Recently, I got a call from my children’s elementary school. My first thought was, “Oh no, what happened?” I was not prepared for what I was told.  The educator on the phone was not one of my children’s. This teacher proceeded to tell me that my youngest daughter had approached him in tears. She revealed that she had been sworn to secrecy by her older sister, and that she was scared. My thoughts swirled, “What had she been sworn to keep secret?”
Turns out, her big sister, my oldest child, is being bullied. My response was utter shock. The teacher continued, my oldest child had been given Indian burns, slapped in the face several times and repeatedly spit on.

“What, Why, Who did this?” I rapidly asked, so stunned I couldn’t form complete sentences. Well, turns out it was two girls, one from our neighborhood and one of them from my daughter’s friend's neighborhood.

 
I was crushed and full of questions. Why would my daughter not want us to know? What had transpired to cause this? Did my daughter do something to encourage this? What do we do now? Should we confront the one sworn to secrecy, or the victim? 

I chose to start with the secret holder. I told her she did the right thing by going to someone with her concerns. I verified the story, with this child and with the other kids that play in the neighborhood. Sure enough, all the stories matched.

Supposedly, the two girls were badgering my daughter, about a musician that she did not care for. The other girls did not like the fact that my child did not like the musician and would not let it go. So, they attacked my daughter. They pulled on her hoodie sweatshirt, hurting her throat. They grabbed her arms and pulled them behind her back. They gave her Indian burns. They spit on a disk, and threw it at her. They chased her down the street, continuing to spit on her. They caught her again and proceeded to slap her in the face multiple times. My daughter finally had enough of the abuse. So, she slapped the main bully back. The fact that she slapped back was why she did not want us to know.

I made all the parents in the neighborhood aware of what is happening, literally in our own front yards. It was finally time to talk to my daughter, the victim. I reassured her that she was not in trouble, even though she had slapped the main bully. We went over what happened and how she felt. I reiterated that while we do not tolerate violence of any kind, if someone, anyone is hurting her or anyone else; an adult needs to know about it. I found it interesting is that none of the kids involved in the incident told an adult. Out of six families, not one of the parents knew anything that had occurred. 
The police were called, and they claimed, “They could not do anything about school yard tussles”, because the children are ten and eleven years old there was nothing to do.  The school would / could not do anything because it was off of the school grounds.  

So, my question is what are we teaching our children? Schools don’t tolerate violence of any kind. So, even when it comes to self defense children are afraid to tell the adults, (zero tolerance at the schools, even in self defense). It further teaches that when you go to an adult nothing can be done. 
Are we teaching them it is okay to be abused or bullied, for fear of getting in trouble?  If the child lays their hands on someone else in a violent way including self defense, it is an automatic suspension in our schools. We found out our children are afraid to speak up, afraid to defend themselves.

The bulling has continued at school, by bragging and this affected my younger child since she is in class with one of them. My oldest daughter no longer wants to go to school. This has resulted in emotional trauma and fear. So, my question to you is do our "No Tolerance" Policies in schools encourage student to have to endure bullying?